I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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