2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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