i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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