I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
