We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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