I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
