Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
