You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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