we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
