I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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