You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
