she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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