Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
