I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We left an ass print on the piano.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
