a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
