Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize