you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
