I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
