i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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