You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize