it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize