When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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