why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
