I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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