dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
