Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
