He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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