i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
