is your mom at the bar?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
