I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
