who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
