I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
