You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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