he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
