Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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