the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
