I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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