The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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