he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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