I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
