i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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