It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize