My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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