i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
