I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i love accidental penises.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
