I think I just saw someone hide a body.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you had me at cake vodka
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
