i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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