How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
