you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
