my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize