new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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