you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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