Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize