I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
