You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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