We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
