You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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