thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
