Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
