OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
