We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize