I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
