I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
