no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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