Having a random hookup so left but love u
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
