i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
