Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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