whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
