My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
