My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
