I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
