yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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