She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got inside last night via doggy door
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
