idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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