From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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