I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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