Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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