You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
