do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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