It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think my fart just growled at me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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