y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize