did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
