I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
