i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
