Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
