Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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