I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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