like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
