Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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