the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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