I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
