I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
