I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
