Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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