im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
