She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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