She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
