Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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