Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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