I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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