Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What a dumb baby whore.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
