he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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