Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
