For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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