Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
