I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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