I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
