I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
